Ten Funniest Clean Jokes from Charlie Sheen Roast

Rucuss staffSeptember 12, 2011

 

Actor Charlie Sheen was roasted over the weekend. The former “Two and a Half Men” star was the victim of the latest Comedy Central Roast, which is set to air the same night as Ashton Kutcher’s debut on his former show (Sept. 19).

Sheen was insulted by a slew of rosters which included William Shatner, comedian/roast veteran Jeffrey Ross, and heavyweight champ Mike Tyson. It was a no-holds barred affair, nothing was off-limits.

Lucky for us, Yahoo gave us a sneak peek of what to expect during the roast. Here’s the 10 best clean jokes of the night.

(10) “On ‘Two and a Half Men’ tonight, they’re apparently having a funeral for Charlie’s character. But there’s no need to switch over. In a few months, you can probably see the real thing.” — Roastmaster and “Family Guy creator Seth MacFarlane

(9) “I’m 80, you’re 46… how come we look like we went to high school together?” — William Shatner

(8) “William Shatner… I’ve seen less bloated men fished out of rivers.” — Comedian Amy Schumer

(7) “I read somewhere that Charlie made a prostitute cry. But I don’t believe that’s true, Charlie. I saw the scene where you got arrested in “Wall Street.”  You can’t even make yourself cry.” — Seth MacFarlane

(6) “Mike Tyson has beaten every opponent he’s ever faced — except the letter S.” — Seth MacFarlane

(5) “Jeffrey Ross… usually when I see a face that grotesque, it’s after a fight. His performance was so bad, I wish I had bitten my own ears off.”  — Mike Tyson

(4) “Charlie, you’re the black sheep of a family that produced three ‘Mighty Ducks’ movies.” — Jeffrey Ross

(3) “It’s amazing that after all that damage you’ve done to your kidneys and liver, the only things you’ve had removed are your kids.” — “Private Practice” star Kate Walsh

(2) “His nostrils are so snotty and filled with coke, they could be called the Hilton sisters.” — Jeffrey Ross

(1) “Charlie, the only reason you got on TV in the first place is because God hates Michael J. Fox.” — Comedian Anthony Jeselnik

“The Comedy Central Roast of Charlie Sheen” premieres Monday, 9/19 at 10pm on Comedy Central.

 

 

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